crazy storyI need a good goodbye quote or a few sentences to remind myself i can get thru this aweful situatio?
Tuesday, August 16th, 2011
Basic background: I am 8 months pregnant with a mans child that I thought I would be with forever. When he met me my mother had an extensive talk with him about the fact that I had MS and that it can be a very unreliable disease but would most likely at some point be disabiling. I am almost 30 and he is 40. My mother also told him I had never been able to conceive and had actually tried fertility drugs with my ex husband. He continued to persue a relationship with me knowing this. I was friends with this man for over 2 years prior to us dating and was there for him thru the ending of a 20 yr marriage, his home burning down, him losing his business, his teenage daughter getting pregnant, etc. 3 months after we moved in together I found out i was pregnant. I didnt believe it at first and was kind of freaked out bc I had given up hope. He was excited and made several comments about how he prayed for it to happen and that he never wanted to use protection bc he wanted to give me a child. After finding out I was pregnant I had to stop all my MS injections and depression/anxiety pills, etc that help my MS. I started getting scared and we started having problems, he didnt seem to want to listen to me, was very jelous, somewhat controlling, etc. I threatened to leave him several times, yet never did mainly because we are having a child together and my thoughts were that if it could work I needed to stay. So over the past 8 months I will admit that I have been very emotional, very needy, and bossy at times. I started having problems comprehending info and dealing with problems, so i went to see my doctor, because these issues were effecting mine and his relationship and the doctor informed me that the bundle of nerves connecting the left and right side of my brain have been severaly damaged bc of a relapse, probably right before i got pregnant. Most of my MS problems are congnitive, visual, speech, a few physical.
A few weeks ago we all had to move into my parents house bc he is rebuilding his home after a fire, and our lease elsewhere ran out and he only had a few weeks to go. My boyfriend and I got into an arguement a few days later bc his 20 yr old son jumped into one of our conversations and was very rude to me and I said something to him. When I asked my BF why he was mad at me and not his son, his response was “bc he didnt mean it like that” I asked why he always assumed I meant things rude and his response was “bc your just that type of person, rude, hateful, mean and demeaning”. There was some yelling and I asked him to leave bc I just couldn’t deal with it. So he left and we saw each other here and there and I was really hurt bc I do love him so much. We spent Christmas together then him, his kids and his mom whom were all at my parents house for the holidays decided to go to his mothers and did not invite me and made it clear I wasnt invited. That started an argument bc I was crying saying I felt excluded and he didnt understand that.
I have started having complications with my pregnancy and cannot shave my legs, take a shower by myself, etc. I am really scared and asked him to move back in, bc the baby is so close to being here and I feel like we needed to work things out if we could. He tells me he loves me but cant commit to me, then goes on about how he has no intentions of marrying me, and just made me feel like complete crap, hes blaming this on me for me asking him to leave and for me yo-yoing him as he puts in over the course of my pregnancy. I begged him to come talk to me so we could figure something out and talk, he said he didnt ahve time, then he told me that I couldn’t “rush” him into loving me and that I couldn’t “make” him commit, which i understand but that hit me the wrong way with me being 8 months prego and all, so I was like “fine you want out then come get your crap” so he shows up 10 mins later with all the time in the world. Gets his stuff, and as he was leaving I gave him back the cell phone I had of his and he grabbed my hand said he loved me, and I told him I did him to but I couldn’y “just date” a man I was having a child with, and then here comes his 20 yr old walking up all bowed out like im gonna kick his dads butt. So we didnt get to talk, my BF just told me he was doen and was throwing his hands up and that I pushed him to that point, etc. I personally cannot see that I have done anything bad enough to make him want to leave his son and me. We both had said stupid mean things, but nothing deathing cruel, we both have just done stupid things, but there has always been honesty, faithfulness, and I have always worshipped the ground he walked on. My only complaint was when he lists things important in his life, its God, my kids, my mom, my home, my dogs, you, our unborn son, and my friends and other family. When I list importance out its God, him, my son, my parents, other family members, my dog then my friends. His mom treats me bad bc he doesnt stand up for me and when he
